Sunday, August 9, 2009
Have you ever been in the situation that there were no one arround you and you didn't talk to anybody or made a conversation with others?
I did it for two days, only me, my self and i stayed in my room and spent the days with reading a book, blogging through my laptop and also listening my favourite songs.
I found that it was very hard not talking for a whole day, because i realize that i am really really talkative person, but i felt that it is a good thing for me, i could feel my emptiness.
I know there is something missing in my lives, but i don't know what it is. I often believed that getting into a relationship with another human will fullfill that void, but often i'm wrong. I usually look for material gain and all physical things i can grab on, yet loneliness and fear still creep in my minds. I seek friendship, peers for popularity and acceptance, yet i often get frustrated.
The first problem is i'm too self centered. I always seek the things that can fullfill my needs and not what i can share to others.
And secondly, i lost my faith to God and i doubt Him because of my stupid thing that He never exist for me in my bad circumtances.
Pfuuuhh.....that was the biggest mistake!!!!!!
I have to take a moment to step back and i have to think that i do believe in Him, maybe i don't understand things that i've been facing, but what seems like a curse now may actually be building blocks and stepping stones for something much greater later on in my life. I should trust God to give me what is best for me and that He will give it in its proper time.
I just said, "Lord, this is what I need and this is what I want but It's in your hands. So, I surrender and I will keep my hand out of it. I am willing to trust You always and I know that You never let me down"
